Narcissists are …false, …null…, and…void..

Since narcissists lack a true sense of self, they compensate by creating an image of themselves which is sometimes, oftentimes, well… untrue. They elaborate on their self accomplishments so much that it is not even just a fish story, but completely and very outrightly FALSE.

Couple examples from my own experience to describe this.  First – my ex wanted to be in the real estate industry. As he grew up, his dad had a passion for it, insistent that people get rich by their investments in real estate.  My ex’s father didn’t have a college degree and didn’t have money, but he insists that success=getting rich.  His father’s passion for real estate was similar to my ex.  They both looked at real estate, but had no experience or training in it.  However, my ex portrayed himself as an expert in the field. Countless times over the years (oh good golly, COUNTLESS times), he has looked into property for sale and calculated the purchase price and how much renting it would be to create a monthly profit.  It’s never single family homes that he would review- he studies multi-family housing buildings like he’s purchased thousands before (apartment buildings – big or small).   He contacts the realtor representing the listing. He speaks to them as though he has done it before, and he visits the property, sometimes traveling several hours by car to get there. Does he every actually purchase anything? NO.

Along those same lines, I once saw a bank charge on his account for City Paper, a local newspaper with classifieds.  I wondered what he could have been doing (I seriously expected it to be a personal ad for some strange sex partner). It turned out to be an ad for his services, but not in the personal ad sense. He was advertising himself to be an experienced property manager!  He has no property management training, much less a degree or even certificate or the license to do it.  And certainly he did not have EXPERIENCE!!  As a matter of fact, prior to meeting me, he owned one house – and he decided not to pay the mortgage for a couple months on it because he was annoyed that the person renting it wasn’t giving him rent (it was previously his single family home and he had to move from the area).  Needless to say, his stubbornness on his mortgage messed up his credit rating and ability to get loans.

What took the cake next was with a business that he did start on the side.  He took to reading about old coins and paper money and how much it was worth to buy/sell it (numismatics).  He began purchasing coins online and selling them himself through e-bay.  He advertised his coin business as selling coins for less because he purchased them with ‘bulk buying power’ and could pass the discount along.  Once, he had a person inquire into having him purchase this person’s set of old coins, which he was selling to make money.  My ex offered him an amount to purchase them, or said he could ‘sell them on consignment’ as he has done “thousands of times before”.  This is seriously what he told this poor guy – and was completely not true.  He had never previously sold coins on consignment.

What happened next is not good.  The poor customer then sends his coin collection to my ex, who doesn’t sell them and doesn’t keep the guy apprised of his progress, and doesn’t return them when asked to do so.  Then the poor customer got smart, and unfortunately had to spend the money on a private investigator to go figure out who my ex really was, where he lived, etc.  Fortunately, upon some ‘gentle prompting’ from the private investigator, the coins were returned along with a check to cover the expense of the private investigator to find my ex.  It’s a good lesson for all on doing business deals on line.

Now, I can honestly say that I believe he doesn’t think he’s lying when he says this stuff.  I think that he creates this “grandious sense of self”, and that this is part of the picture and he truly thinks that this is who he says he is and he has really done these accomplishments.  It’s amazing to watch, and also somewhat sad that he cannot accept himself for who he really is and has to create this false sense of self.

And just think… if he thinks he’s all these things and more… then it makes sense that he also thinks he’s a really amazing husband and father, and couldn’t possibly hurt any of the people around him.  Right?

 

 

 


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