Do sociopaths, psychopaths or narcissists ever move on?

I am at a loss for this one part of dealing with my ex, and haven’t found much information on it – but what I found I will share in a moment.

The piece that I am at a loss for is that my ex still has not stopped trying to get me to be back together with him.  It has been five and 1/2 years since I said I wanted a divorce.  He has consistently told people that it was me that wanted the divorce, that he still wants to be with me, etc etc.  He has told this to counselors, therapists, friends, strangers and even our children.  “It’s mommy that’s doing this.  It’s her fault we are apart and you have to go back and forth”.  Most kids can adjust to divorce when they are in a normal divorced family.  When this is what you hear… adjusting doesn’t occur.

So why?  He has said this in one breath and cursed me to no end in another breath.  He literally hit on me continually through until August 2009, when we had a court date scheduled for November 2009 – initiated by him to sue me for custody.  He stopped then because he found someone new – who he immediately said that he was planning to marry and she would be moving in within months (uh… warning sign of an abuser).  When that relationship went south, he returned to seeing if I would take him back.

I don’t have an answer as to what causes this, other than it is likely related to the borderline component of a personality disorder, and the fear of being alone.  He clings because I was the one that showed him love and the most likely prospect he had to being in a loving family the way he wanted (regardless of the fact that he didn’t treat me that way).

I often feel like it is something within me that attracts him to me, and want to rip it out of my body.  This is another topic … one I am exploring about our “energy” and whether there is any validity to it and whether I can actually heal myself and therefore not attract him into my life.

Here is what I have learned.  It is a danger sign.  It is a factor used to consider the dangerousness of someone who is pathological.  The stronger they hold on, the more messed up they are and the more likely they are to explode one day.   There are two sources for this:

1. Gavin de Becker’s Mosaic Threat Assessment System:

The ability of a person to move in is a factor in this assessment.  It’s free… take it if you can online and then print out the results and give it to a friend as part of a safety plan.

2. Sandra Brown’s Institute for Relational Harm Reduction:

I think that this is the best group going for trying to get the word out on the impact of dealing with a pathological person.  If you think that you are at risk, contact Susan Murphy-Milano, and work on a video with her.  Unfortunately, it targets providing proof should anything ever happen to you… but at the same time it could be great protection for your child/children.

If anyone who happens to pass by knows of anything more on understanding this component or what to do with it… please leave a comment!

One Response to “Do sociopaths, psychopaths or narcissists ever move on?”

  1. pemba dive says:

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder F60.8 – ICD10 Description, World Health Organization
    Narcissistic personality disorder is not classified as a specific personality disorder by the World Health Organization’s ICD-10. In contrast, the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5 does classify this as a specific personality disorder; characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. It’s a genetic disorder often passed down from one generation to the next generation and very difficult to treat.

    Narcissistic Traits
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Diagnostic Criteria, American Psychiatric Association
    An individual diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder needs to show at least 5 of the following criteria:
    • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
    • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love/sex.
    • Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
    • Requires excessive admiration.
    • Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
    • Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
    • Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
    • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
    • Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

    I personally believe it can not be treated!

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