I am so glad that I am not my ex

Think about it… aren’t you glad you aren’t your ex as well?

I do have a lot of sympathy for him.  I can only imagine that his childhood must have been really, really difficult to wind up with the issues that he has to deal with in life.  To be highly narcissistic must be particularly painful inside.  I remember countless conversations with me Ex when we were together discussing where happiness comes from and how to have it.  I tried to explain – I’m happy INSIDE.  It doesn’t matter if the lights are on or off, if I have money or I don’t, if it’s rainy or sunny, or if it’s cold or warm outside.  I’m happy inside and content.  He had NO idea what that felt like.  He looks for his happiness outside himself – which is why having money (a way his parents measure his success) and a big house and a nice car, etc – seems so important to him.  But as the hallmark card says… money doesn’t buy happiness.  My ex doesn’t remember much of his childhood, except that it was cold, dark and hungry.  Seriously!!  This is what he’s recounted to me many times.  Given what I know of his parents – I’m sure there was some form of abuse that occurred.  Maybe emotional via anger and hatred, maybe physical as a means of controlling him.  Nonetheless – he still is looking for their approval even as an adult.  Even in the women he looks to marry, he wants to marry someone just like his mother (I didn’t fit that mold :).  He literally looks for someone who dyes their hair blonde and is far older than him!  (He wanted me to dye my hair blonde.  I wouldn’t… it wouldn’t match my skin color and I would look silly, I’m sure).

Anyway… my point is that when you’re dealing with your ex – include a small amount of empathy.  Empathy with a “barrier”.  In other words… consider where they are coming from and the sad way in which they’ve been taught to deal with life.  BUT you don’t have to feel sorry for them or fix them or hand over your personal power, or feel guilt for them.  Put up a barrier on that part!!  Consider where they are coming from in order to figure out how to interact with them in the best way possible, but other than that consider that their issues are THEIR issues.  I hope that makes sense.

I’m glad I am who I am.   I had a really happy childhood, have more and more self-awareness and self-understanding, and on a daily basis … I’m happy.  And he can’t take that from me 🙂

Happy weekend!


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