The importance of “the bubble”

This is something I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, and something I use with my kids regularly.   It’s good for adults, and for kids.  It is taken from various things that I’ve heard or read – some from law of attraction.  It’s a great tool.

Here’s the deal…  when you are interacting with someone else, think of yourself as having an impenetrable clear bubble around you.  Whatever is in this bubble is your world.  You get to say what comes into this bubble and what doesn’t.  You can imagine it full of rainbow colors and happy thoughts if you want. 🙂

Now, imagine that you’re chatting with someone else.  They are furious.  They are raging about something.  It doesn’t matter what, really, but they’re yelling.    This is important… THAT is their experience, not your’s.   What’s going on in their life at that moment is THEIRS.  It doesn’t have to enter your rainbow colored happy blissful bubble unless you let it.    You can observe.  You can empathize.  You can console them.  You can do all this from inside the realm of your happy place and not let it permeate you.

My daughter, who is almost 8, is working on this.  She has almost no bubble naturally.   She is VERY sensitive to ANYTHING going on around her and absorbs any negative energy in the room.  This means that anything that is going on with my ex, or even with me, will get to her.   For example… if I am stressed because we’re late and spinning out the door like a tazmanian devil on cocaine… she melts down.  She sees it entirely as a reflection of herself and totally personal.   Now… I’m normally happy and upbeat.  Resilient.  BUT I’m human!!  There are times when I’m frustrated, and it has nothing to do with her, but I have to be very careful around her because her bubble is only barely formed.  I explain to her that my frustration about the situation is my experience and doesn’t need to be her’s.  She can ignore me completely.  She can stay happy inside if she wants.

Another example with my daughter… she is very susceptible to name calling.  Even if something is said in lovingness – like “you silly kid!”.   So… I tried an example with her and tried to teach her that it doesn’t matter what someone SAYS, that it doesn’t make it true of her.  I called her a “pink pillow!!”.  She bawled.  I asked her to look at herself.  She did.  “Are you a pink pillow?”  I ask.  “No” she sobs.

And that is where the bubble theory started….   when I realized that she needed more to deal and cope with life.   She needs to develop harder boundaries with the world.   So, we are working on it – and hopefully this theory can help you all too.

After all… it does for me, and I use it when interacting with my ex all the time 🙂

 


One Response to “The importance of “the bubble””

  1. Chris says:

    I’m so thankful I found your website. Your examples are so familiar to me & my kids. It helps to know we’re not alone with these struggles with a narcisst. Please keep writing!!


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