Fear of the Narcissist Parent

My daughter attended her appointment with her therapist last evening.  She apparently did talk quite a bit about how things are going for her.  My children were recently on vacation with their dad, and after a couple days back, my son (age 5) miscellaneous told me how my daughter (age 8) became scared on one of the rides they did and started crying.  Her father slapped her in the face for it.  My son tried to reason it away “but it was only once, Mom”.  I told him it didn’t matter – once is still really bad.  He then said “can we just not talk about it?”  “No,” I tell him.  “It was awesome that you told me – thank you for doing so and please keep telling me about stuff like that.”

I asked my daughter to make sure to tell her therapist about it.  Her therapist and I spoke for a few minutes first.  We contemplated talking with my ex about his behavior.  Her therapist was mostly concerned that in doing so, the past year’s worth of work to build trust with my daughter and have her speak freely would be completely ruined.  She told me that she has suggested to my daughter that my daughter address it with her Dad directly during a time when her father wasn’t angry.   I thought “are you kidding? she’s afraid to tell you about it – how will she garner the strength to tell her dad directly?”.   The therapist also has worries about treading carefully with my ex herself as she thinks that he is expecting her to accuse him of abuse – namely sexual abuse.  I find this an interesting dynamic.

When my daughter and her therapist met next – my daughter apparantly spoke freely but she also said that she is extremely fearful of her dad and what his reaction would be if he found out she told the therapist about it.  My daughter also says there is no way she can find it in her to speak to her dad directly.

The next step for our situation:  My daughter’s therapist is supposed to speak with my ex (this has taken a month now) regarding having our son evaluated for regressive behaviors (which started a year ago) to try to get his consent without having to go to court to request it.  Hopefully thetherapist for my son will be a more aggressive in advocating a visitation change rather than the approach of teaching our children how to deal with it that my daughter’s therapist is taking.

 


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