Dear Barack Obama

My children returned after a particularly difficult weekend with their father, and within the first hour, I heard my five year old son scream at his sister: “You f-ing idiot!”  (although he didn’t abbreviate the word like I just did).  I asked my kids how the weekend went, and to talk with me about what happened.  My daughter hesitated to say, and instead told me how some countries have laws that parents cannot hit their children, and she would really like to see our country have that law.  I thought about conversations I’ve had with her or others she may have overheard, thinking “crap.. has she heard me say something to this fact?”  So I asked her “have you heard me say this?”  She looked at me puzzled, and explained that her therapist told her this.  She asked if she could write a letter to the president.  I said yes, you can.

Here it is.  On the bottom, she signs her name, and puts in parenthesis (I am a kid).:

4 Responses to “Dear Barack Obama”

  1. Julie says:

    Hang in there! I feel the same lately. My son has woken me up crying saying his dad also calls him an idiot, and the last time he returned from a visit he said his dad calls me and him an idiot (wow, my jaw dropped when I read your post). I told him I didn’t like that and it is not true and people that put other people down and call them names are being mean because they don’t feel good about themselves. Your daughter feels strong enough to realize this treatment is wrong and try to get help. Our children are fighting back and not accepting the NPDs “reality distortion field” That means we are doing a good job!

    • What a great perspective! I am proud of her for trying, that’s for sure. Certainly I felt her pain when she told me that what she hates the worst is when he calls her an asshole in the grocery store and everyone hears it (embarrassed). Those are moments I’ve had myself with him – and the worst was when I would confront him and tell him I hated it, and he said “it wasn’t a big deal for me, I don’t see why you’re making a big deal out of it”. So… you’re right.. we’re showing and reaffirming our kids that it’s intolerable behavior, and that’s good!

  2. Grace says:

    Oh my God. I have no words. I feel nauseous reading this, and can’t imagine how awful and helpless and angry you must be. Hold your babies close and heal their hearts and bodies.

    Sending you hugs. What an effing nightmare.


    • In some ways, I am numb. In others ways, I am sick with the helpless feeling – that my children tell me what they deal with and there seems to be little I can do because the laws look for physical bruises (and even then can fail to protect). In even other ways, I am thankful – which sounds like a really messed up thing- but I am thankful that they are returning without horrible physical bruises. I am also thankful that there is at least one way that she feels she can have a voice. She says she has told her teacher, told her therapist, told her mom, but it’s not working. I think they have mixed feelings because they want to love their dad, and he isn’t really pure evil – he does interact in nice ways at times (confusing, I know, it was the same for all of us in a relationship with a sociopath) – but they just want the bad parts to stop. Unfortunately, he’s not capable of that. I am also thankful that I am able to shelter them as much as I can (they are with me so much of the time). My ex says he regrets he’s not there all the time to teach our son to be a man. Given that I’ve seen my ex’s father yell at him for not having enough control over me – I’m very glad these are lessons he won’t be able to successfully pass on. God will help us to fix our situation and to contribute to making a larger difference in the world… I have faith in that. Thank you for the hugs – it helps a lot!

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