Narcissists Manipulate

  A quick post, as I read a post by another blogger this morning that strikes a cord:  read her post.

This past weekend, my ex dropped off the kids and told me how he had a conflict for his mid-week dinner and asked to    change the day of the week.  I said “I don’t know what’s on my calendar, let me check”.   This is my way of not engaging in a conversation with him and being able to think on my own timeline.  He pressed on  “what do you have planned?”.  I replied “I don’t know, I don’t remember”.   He seemed anxious with it and annoyed that I wasn’t just granting him the easy answer, as he had envisioned.   He grumbles something, saying:

“You’re not playing the game”  

Really? There’s a game?  I think about projection and am amazed how he basically said aloud that all this stuff with the kids is a game to him.  He tried another approach, not letting it drop with me checking my calendar and getting back to him.  He pressed about what we could possibly have planned, he accused me of always “having something planned”, etc etc.  He again said “You’re not playing the game” (Ok, I did hear him right!).  He then turned his body slightly away, doing his “I’ve had enough with you” sweep of the arm and shutting down.

This time, though, I saw something more clearly than in the past.  I saw that look of confusion, bewilderment about how he couldn’t get me to respond the way that he wanted, even with multiple approaches to the issue.  I saw him wondering why it wasn’t working the way he wanted.

Now – for laughter sake – I will add in that my attorney suggested that I had told him that me and my lesbian lover had plans to take the kids out for dinner.  This is because he accuses me of being lesbian, which is apparently common with narcissists who are rejected.

The blogger I referenced above saw the same dynamic in her conversation with her ex – but it was more complex, and many more lies upon lies, twists of words, etc, within the same conversations.   I remember those circular conversations with my ex where I was left feeling dizzy and confused.  Now I see more clearly why they happen, and I’m so glad to be able to do so!

10 Responses to “Narcissists Manipulate”

  1. JenelleMarie says:

    YAY! Way to go!!! I also find it ironic, my ex tried to convince me that I was a lesbian . .. and yet he was the one engaging in homosexual activities. These guys are a piece of work!

    • Stacey says:

      I too, was accused of being a lesbian! What the hell is that about?! And when I told him, “you know, maybe I WILL become a lesbian! Im not married anymore, I can do whatever I want!” he got super mad and said “You’d better NOT!” How confusing.

    • Allison says:

      Wow about the Lesbian accusations from Narcissists; I never knew. I got accused of, you dress like a dike, so why don’t you just go be a Lesbian? I replied, well, being married to a person like you only makes a straight woman go and play for the opposite team! Thank you! Then again, he was so into sexual perversions that actually might turn him on.

      As many of you came to realize with your Narcissists (ie, N.P. for short), they are so insecure about themselves that it is foreign to think, or be able to, outside of themselves. Thanks to all of you for your entertaining, yet, insightful comments.

  2. veronica lee says:

    Hi! Stopping by from MBC. Great blog!
    Have a nice day!

  3. StrongerMe says:

    The conversation you described with your ex is definitely one I’ve had with mine. The badgering for info that isn’t his business. In the past, I would give him the information, and then he would try to convince me that my plans weren’t as important as his and I should change them.
    A game is truly what it is. Ironic that my son’s counselor used those words. She told me that my oldest is coping well because he’s figured out his father’s game. For example, spend some time with him, telling him what he wants to hear and you can get out of staying the whole weekend. My youngest refuses to play, so he gets badgered.

    • I can’t help but wonder what we can learn from your oldest and how he plays his father’s game… Sometimes I wonder if some comments here and there to satisfy those narcissistic needs would be enough, or if I pestered him about doing more of the responsibility if that would make my ex run.

  4. Had Enough says:

    +1 on the lesbian accusations!! LOL My gosh, they are almost predictable, aren’t they? This is the real stuff they should have taught us in health ed back in the day. Signs you are dating a jackass…

    • Seriously! It is the stuff we should be teaching in schools. Need to broaden the anti-bullying campaign to include healthy vs. non-healthy relationships, and boundaries…

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