Finding Peace

Today, I’m feeling a bit stressed as my kids are scheduled to be with their dad for this upcoming “holiday” weekend, and he seems to be doing pretty bad financially.  More stress on him means more stress taken out on my kids.  This also means that he hasn’t been paying child support and he’s filed that motion to “relieve” him of child support…. which equates to me needing to figure out how to magically compensate for his lack of child support and the upcoming legal fees.  Plus, I am filing a motion to appoint a therapist for our son – which equals even more legal fees.  And…I probably haven’t mentioned that I live in one of the “top ten most expensive metro areas” in the US.

So today I need to focus on what I can do to feel peace inside.  Here’s some of my favorite resources for doing so:

Louise Hay:  She has wonderful positive affirmations on her site. Today’s is perfect:  “I am in the process of positive change“.

Zen Habits: I like this guy’s posts.  Although, I admit, sometimes they are about as realistic to acheive as Martha Stewart’s holiday decorations…. like keeping all flat surfaces clear of anything.  Ha!  Nonetheless, acheiveable or aspirational… it’s a quick moment of calm.

Gratitude Log:  I’ve done this before and decided to make it a part of the bedtime ritual with my kids to keep it going.  Normally, I will jot down all the things I am thankful for as a reminder that Life is Good.  The bedtime ritual will be to say one thing from that day that we are thankful about. Last night, my son was feeling thankful for all the new toys he will get at Christmas.  (what?? I wonder if he has an “in” with the big red fluffy dude).

Dr. Wayne Dyer:  He is a lot like Louise Hay and believes in the power of positive thoughts and intentions.  He also has daily affirmations on his site.  Today’s is perfect for those of us dealing with toxic people:  “I treasure all of the experiences I’ve had in my life. Each experience in your life was absolutely necessary in order to take you to the next place, and the next, up until this very moment.”

Vision Board: This is along the lines of the “law of attraction” and that which you focus on is what you attract more of into your life.  It can be fun and productive to make a vision board – so that you can think clearly through what it is you want to have in your life and then see it daily to work towards it.

So, that’s my two cents as I go through my day today on how I will be trying to focus on other things in my life than the stress my ex puts into it.  My vision?  Freedom & protection for my children, and for every child in abusive situations to not only be free of being with abusive parents, but also to be able to be protected from it.

12 Responses to “Finding Peace”

  1. JenelleMarie says:

    Today I feel very similar as the ex has been introducing the kids to his unhealthy gf and friends this week. It has me incredibly unsettled and he is solely doing it to ‘spook’ or mess with me. So i try to tell myself also, ‘let go, let go, let go’ but it is so hard when you see the impact on your children. I have a mental vision board in my head with the life that i intend and will create for my children. I need to go to the craft store and actually make this a reality, thank you for the reminder. My birth vision board for my son’s birth was a HUGE impact and actually helped me to realize my pain free, short (3 hours) birth at home with him so i KNOW they work. I also need to make my list of affirmations, I have a let go poem on my mirror but i need to get some “I am the creator of my destiny and my children’s safety” affirmations going i think.

    • What a great affirmation! I have them written on my bathroom wall in bath crayons. 🙂 My ex found the voice recorder I sent with my daughter tonight to catch his raging. Not a word so far from him. He was in a very congenial mood – so daughter was upset that he turned grumpy after that. My stomach is in knots even more now. I’m hoping that he considers what else I may have recorded. He called it “unfair and unacceptable” to my daughter, which is an interesting choice of words.

      • JenelleMarie says:

        Ugh, i would be in knots also. I do hope it’s a wake up call to him and he chooses to be more careful around the children. I have been wanting to send one with their stuff but am so fearful of him finding it.

        I think pedicures with some wine and you ladies as company would be rather enjoyable and a great pow-wow of resources 😉

        • So far, it seems that he interpreted it typical narc style – as a chance to catch me at doing something illegal. Check the laws in your state – mine is that one person has to give consent, but me giving consent for my minor children is still risky. And yes – pedicures & wine would be great!

  2. Heather says:

    I so need to get back to pedicures.

  3. Heather says:

    And I know your blog is part of that, so thank you : )

  4. Heather says:

    I’m sorry things are so hard right now. You are in my prayers!

    My hope is that you have a great friendship network or family network (or both) to support you through this time. I was lucky enough to have both friends and family who really stepped up to the plate to support me and remind me not to react too much. I read a lot of self-help books and practice mindfulness meditation daily, along with prayers that are more christian based.

    I think your blog is also a huge support for me, as I see so much of what I’m struggling with in the posts of other women, including yourself. I’m proud to report that I made some progress today. First, I allowed the ex to have the girls today instead of insisting on him taking them to day care. It’s experimental and I’ll assess future requests based upon how he returns them. Then the ex came to pick the girls up and tried to start drama. He came right up to the door and allowed the dog to escape. He left the doors to his new car (somehow despite only making 8-12K a year, he’s driving a brand new car…let it go…let it go…let it go) and of course my dog jumped right in there. So the ex started yelling, “Fuck me” and harrumphing really loudly. I didn’t respond and then texted something very sweet but containing later. As in, I’m sorry the dog got in your car but also maybe you should just stay in the car…girls will come out to you. Also please don’t drop the f-bomb around me…

    It was very good text. Caring but firm. We’ll see. Anyway, I’m proud about how I handled the situation. Also proud of myself that I”m not scared of him anymore. He cursed and I didn’t have my heartrate increase.

    • I’m cheering for you! I remember the moment where there wasnt fear felt anymore and I could look at his anger in a detached manner – it was very liberating, and awesome to be able to stand up to him.

  5. Julie says:

    So true! In such a difficult situation it’s inspiring that u focus so much on the positive. I have a vision board too after watching “the secret”, I try to mediate at least a few minutes, and the best thing iive done lately is imagining that I have more custody and how that would be. I also have taught my child an angel prayer of protection. A nun gave it to me and said that children should think of their angel and name them. It makes me feel so much better when my child is away and I can’t protect from his father (although sometimes I still cry and worry). I was feeling very down awhile ago because of custody battle and worring about the mental damage done by his fathers visitation to my child so I went and got a massage and started doing Zumba also. Strength -mental physical spiritual “because battels are not just fought between flesh and steal.” We have already won in so many ways being strong and positive we will make it the home stretch!

    • Not too long ago – I rewrote our court order to be what I would chose it to be 🙂 For years, I have grappled with the guilt I felt when I thought “what if” my kids didn’t spend any time with him, or only supervised visitation. I’ve now watched enough damage and hurt that I came to peace with it. I wrote my desired custody order with 2 hours of supervised visitation every other week – so that they still saw their dad and could remember why it was the way it was. Now, that said, I have the clause “or better” in my head – and a prayer to God that if no time together is the right answer, I trust that. I look at that desired custody order with glee 🙂 oh… and I do yoga, meditation and pedicures!

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