God, Please Give Me Strength

On a personal front, I need strength.   My son was returned from the weekend with redness around his anus.  He has a bruise on his backside.  My daughter told me she has a bruise on her leg.  I asked if there was any hitting this weekend.  They both said no.

The social worker at my daughter’s school said my daughter told her two things from the weekend:

1- That my daughter reports that she has a bruise on her leg from her father hitting her.  She told her Nana about the bruise (their grandparents were visiting), and Nana said “it’ll be okay, as long as Daddy doesn’t keep hitting you.”

2- That her father was raging at her brother, who spilled something on his shirt during dinner time.  She described him as out of control, and said that her brother ran up the stairs to get a towel.  He returned down to the dinner table, sobbing and trying desperately to cling to his sister.

My daughter also wants others to interview her brother, stating that he has some things he needs to share too.

Also, the court motion to get a psychological evaluation for my son was on the docket for this Friday.  However, my ex tells his attorney that he isn’t available Friday, and I was completely aware of this.  He doesn’t communicate whatsoever, so how can I be aware?  I have absolutely no communication from him – about this weekend or otherwise.  Nonetheless, the judge set the hearing for Nov. 2nd, but his attorney said he wasn’t available and it needs to be longer than 30 minutes, so it needs to have designated time.  Why longer than 30 minutes?? Are they actually going to contest that there is a need for the evaluation when it was recommended by our daughter’s psychologist, and problems are noted at school?  Regardless… the hearing is now set for January 2nd.  Another couple months of waiting.

God, if you read my blog (;))… please help me.  Show me the path I need to take to help my children sooner rather than later.  Show me clearly who I can get help from that will actually help, without risk that information can be turned around on me, and my ex’s lies believed.

28 Responses to “God, Please Give Me Strength”

  1. JenelleMarie says:

    Praying so hard right now. This entry brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry and it sends more than shivers down my spine. It is as if your hands are tied and are suppose to just continue to hand over your children to a monster who is clearly hurting them. If this happened in any other situation, child protective services would be called and he would be prosecuted. And when will the courts see that their ‘laws’ are not protecting children? A parent with legal custody should not need both parent’s permission to take their child into a doctor, it serves no purpose as a doctor is suppose to be an unbiased opinion. In this same theory a child who is dying of a disease could be made to suffer longer if one parent refused treatment and the other was forced to prove in court why the child needs treatment. MADDENING.

    I am putting you and the children in my prayers tonight that God opens the ‘gates’ to justice and allows a protection for your children to happen sooner. I am also praying for strength for your children to take enough time to speak their truths and tell someone who can help them what is really going on. May someone come into your life through your children’s words of truth and have the ability to protect them from their father and the abuse they are being forced to endure by the courts. And may you find some form of peace and many more days of strength to continue being the amazing mother you are to protect your babies.

    • Thank you for the prayers (Matthew 18:19. ““Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”)

      I had the most maddening conversation with my daughter’s therapist today, who went through 7 things my attorney wants me to do differently. How is it that my attorney went from responding “yes, I hope he tells that to the courts” when my ex asked for my youngest to take horseback riding lessons in exchange for permission to get him psychologically evaluated… to “why aren’t you just approving the horseback riding lessons?”. This along with “you’re enmeshed in your children’s lives.” Hmmm… I watch stay at home mom’s who spend much more time in the school volunteering in their child’s activities than I do. Are they “enmeshed”? No, of course not… they are wonderful parents who support their children – and they can do it because they are in an intact, supportive marriage and not in a battle with a narcissist who turns reality upside down.

      • JenelleMarie says:

        Came across this verse today and thought of you and all the others who are in this situation with Ex-N’s and keeping our children safe:

        “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.”
        EPH.6 :10,11.

        I use to joke that my ex-n was satan, little did i know how close to the truth I was that satan was using my ex for his bidding as I believe he does all of these N’s.

  2. Ruby says:

    It makes me sad to read about the really difficult things you and your babies are dealing with. I am so glad your children have the mother they do.

    • It seems like it’s such a widespread issue. I am hopeful that we find the support we need from external parties, and my kids can find the peace & sense of security that they need.

  3. Stacey says:

    I am so sorry for your babies in this situation. I am also so sorry for your powerlessness here. It is torturous. How you’re not grabbing them and running away is beyond me. You are amazingly strong. Keep your head up, and keep fighting.
    Can you report him to CPS? Can you take them to the police? I feel like right now its less about trying not to scare them (which those would both be scary things) but more about getting results. Your ex is unfit. Period. I dont understand why it is so difficult to get anyone to listen.
    Hugs for you and your babies

    • Thank you! I had a really frustrating conversation with my attorney yesterday. She doesn’t want me reporting to CPS. I’ll write up details – it’s the reality of the courtroom & CPS vs. the theory of what the system should do. The pediatrician is going to call in, so hopefully things will start to open up for them.

  4. Leah says:

    Please tell me that you are taking pictures of the bruises, etc. It sounds like your situation is very similar to mine… heck even DSS is involved at this point because of a teacher complaint.
    If a doctor sees the bruises, they are required to report. I pray for you and what your children on going through.

  5. Julie says:

    I will pray for u and your children. This is horrible. U know I think u should just start taking him to a dr anyway. It is what is best for your child rules are not so important, and if the dr finds that he is being abused no court would not allow that to be submitted.

    • I wish! No doctor in my state will touch them without both parents consent if there is joint legal. They could technically because it is only required to give notice before going, but notice usually results in lots of phone calls saying not to speak to him. This immediately worries a therapist who hears “malpractice suit” in their interpretation. Thank you for the prayers- which I believe to be very powerful!

      • Stacey says:

        What about the emergency room? After every visit with dad, you take them to the ER and tell them that their father beat them…? Maybe be a bit extreme, but would leave an interesting paper trail.

        • My pediatrician did just suggest that if they are returned with bruises or red bottoms, that I take them right away to the emergency room. It makes sense to have a record of it – but at the same time, my ex can point to it and say how ludicrous I am being and how damaging I am by putting the kids through ridiculousness, and that the last CPS investigation was unfounded, so it’s just me being overprotective and trying to get him out of their lives. (how’s that for a run on sentence?) Plus, practically speaking, it’s a $300 copay.

          • Stacey says:

            Who pays for the medical care? If he has to pay 1/2….? I dont know, i just cant imagine my kids having to deal with this every time they go see their father…just so sad. I wish there was more someone could do, there is just no need for this. And yes, he’ll paint you as over protective – but he’ll do that no matter what you do, and if you do nothing, then he’ll point out how much you dont care. Its a no win for you as far as he is concerned.

          • We are supposed to share medical care – yet for some reason, even with a court order on my daughter’s therapy which states he has to share by percent of income, he has stated clearly and repeatedly that he will only pay for four sessions and that’s it. The therapist is letting his portion of the bill acrue (in my name, of course), and he isn’t paying a dime. My attorney doesn’t press for it and says it is the therapist’s issue to deal with. You are right – if I’m not accused of being overprotective, it will be something else.

  6. Ana says:

    I’m so sorry for you and your kids and wish I had some answers for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    • Ms. Ex-spouse of an N says:

      Have you tried getting a third party to witness the exchange – maybe examine them before going and when they get back? I am very worried for you and your kids, but I also fear that bruises and a red bum can be easily explained away (not wiping properly, walking into things, etc.). As my atty told me (half-serious/half-sarcastic) when I was trying to split from my N husband – “what we really need is for him to break your arm, then the court will do something.” Stay strong for your kids and be glad that you have them more than he does. I have 50/50 and it just sucks.

      • I am VERY thankful that I have them as much as I do, and that is constantly in my gratitude list. I’m also thankful that my ex moved far enough away to distance himself from us. I do have people who have witnessed my kids be upset about having to go and intend to ask them to speak to that if need be. Btw- I’ve also heard that statement about needing him to snap enough that it’s really clear enough for the court to do something for us.

  7. Heather says:

    Of course…they can’t go to the school for support in my case…father of the year is late with the girls on over 50% of his days and is up to 45 minutes late.

  8. Heather says:

    Strength and prayers sent. Remember the important thing is for YOU to be centered and work with them on stablizing and recoverying between these abusive visits.

    I’m actually trying to block the ex from pulling the kids into therapy, although I suppose at some point he will succeed in his efforts to triangulate yet another person into his dramas. His sister is now saying the girls are acting in a sexualized manner (apparently only around them) and has “serious concerns” about me as a parent and thinks the girls need therapy “immediately.” The day care that had them from the time they were two (they were 4 and 5 upon leaving there) stated to me that in many ways the girls were happier and better controlled than when my ex lived with me. Of course the ex is doing much worse…he’s recently had to sell his business…pays no money for child support or to help me out financially at all (but wants his money for his credit card debt and alimony all at once and immediately…despite the fact that he has failed to pay gross receipts taxes for 3 years and of course my having to pay his taxes will have to come out of both). Somehow despite making only 8K a year he has a newer model car, a new computer, a new tv, and failed to qualify for medicaid for the girls. Hmmmm. He lives at home with his mother and she recently begged me to take him back. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Yeah…the *****GIRLS***** need therapy. Right.

    NPD is fascinating to me….here are two NARCS arguing the opposite and for the exact same reason…control and place their issues onto the ex and the kids.

    Stay strong girl!!! You are a good mother and your kids will live through this. God and the universe are listening. The fact that your little girl and boy lived through this thus far gives the rest of us just starting our journey hope. Keep strong…keep connected with your kids…keep them centered. Don’t let him Narc you down.

    • you’re right that it is interesting how Narcs can be so screamingly similar but act in different ways to gain power and control. I’ve heard both attempts to get the kids into therapy or to keep them from it. I have heard the same opposite approach used in regards to asking for a parent coordinator and requesting frequent communication vs. My ex who uses no communication as a means to gain power. Thanks for the encouragement- what hollowed next in my day was a very discouraging, frustrating conversation with my atty, which I will post in the morning. It is the classic two ends of the spectrum in child protection and family court. Blessings and prayers for you as well.

  9. Gladys says:

    In reading your blog, I can’t help to shed a tear for you and your children. I speak to God every minute of every day hoping that he’s listening. I know he hears me just as he’s hearing you now…

    • Thank you! I know you are right and have a strong faith. Most of the time I believe it will be some miracle that pulls us into a better place, not the courts.

  10. Ms. Ex-spouse of an N says:

    Have you taken both kids to the doctor for examination? Someone advised me that she used her medical doctor to document her abuse. It seems that since he has left marks at last you should be able to move for emergency motions.

    • I had a very disheartening conversation with my attorney yesterday too. I may very well work with their medical doctor. I left a message for the doc yesterday.

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