Rules for the Male Narcissist

This post is because sometimes humor is healing, even cathartic.  It is also because sometimes, I have dreams that make me laugh!




1. Image is everything.  Dress nice, drive a legendary car and live in nothing less than a prestigous, exclusive place

2. Always purchase the top of the line products.  Your image is on the line.  Most importantly, shoes and watches speak volumes about people.  As a pathological narcissist, you may not be able to interpret or empathize with other people, but if you can impress them with what you wear, they won’t notice your shortcomings.  Remember #1: Image is everything.

3. Be a Master Manipulator.  There are courses that one can take to get their certification.  Master manipulators are magicians – they can twist stories and truth so well that no one knows what is really up.  Do this really, really well.

4. Don’t just BE.  Be ENTITLED.  It’s your right.

5. You’re a victim. Everyone is out to get you and everything that happens in life is because you are a victim of what someone else is doing to you.  This is a very important rule.

6. In regards to child support matters, hide your income.  It’s your money… you are entitled to chose how you spend it (see #4).  If pressed to pay child support, remember #5…. you are a victim here.  Your ex is trying to scam you for every penny you own.  Do whatever is necessary to avoid paying child support.

7. If you have a son, teach your son to be a man.  Real men intimidate.  Real men are in control. They control their women and their children.  They rule their household when they are in a relationship, and afterwards too.  Teach them to do whatever it takes to stay in control.  Teach them to use passive aggressiveness where possible so they don’t realize how controlling you really are, and if anyone blames you for being controlling – teach your son to invert the comment.

8. You’re ‘a catch’!  If you are just starting a relationship, say what they want.  Be a chameleon. Take on whatever characteristics or traits that they want in their perfect man.  If they say that they want five children, tell them you do too.  If they want someone who is high tech, take a class and pretend to be high tech.  If they realize you’re faking your tech skills, take them out and woo them again with a fancy dinner.  Glitz and glam rules.  Compliment them every minute of every day in the beginning of the relationship.  Tell them they are everything you ever dreamed of in a wife.

9.  You are the master of everything and you know everything.  If you’ve heard only one little statement about something… assume you are a master on that topic and speak authoritatively.  Baffle ’em with bullshit, they’ll never know.

10. If you meet someone with really cool traits or that people really like, take on that persona as your own.  Remember #4. You’re entitled.  You’re amazing, they’re not.

11. Always have more than one romantic relationship.  If you have borderline traits too, then never let go of any relationship you’ve ever been in. Make sure they stay engaged in interactions with you.  If they can’t be woo’d anymore, then use conflict.  Either one works just as well as the other. Use any avenue you can to stay tied to that person – possessions, children, legal actions.  You’re unable to be empathetic, so use this to your advantage.

12. Never let ‘them’ figure you out.  Be nice one minute and horrid the next.  Tell them you’re nothing but nice and they are remembering the events incorrectly when anyone says you were horrid.  It wasn’t you, it was the other guy.  This relates to number 3, 4 and 5.  You are entitled to be a master manipulator who is a victim who just begs to be heard.

6 Responses to “Rules for the Male Narcissist”

  1. Thanks! I have to admit to giggling to myself as I typed up this post. Hee hee 🙂

  2. Stacey says:

    Oh! so there IS a handbook on how to be this way! I knew it! Lol, nicely done – right on the mark!

  3. StrongerMe says:

    OMG…number 11 and 12 are my favorites. Although they are all very true.

  4. Julie says:

    Lol!! Master of the universe! Worship puny mortals!

  5. Grace says:

    *nodding head emphatically*

  6. Heather says:

    LOVE THIS!!!!!

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