Back to Visitation

Yesterday was a whirlwind.  CPS reinstated visitation.  They see it as a sticky case because it has been going on for so many years, and because there are court orders in place.  The county attorneys need very substantive reasons to suspend court ordered visitation (which is a problem itself – because it limits their ability to truly protect the kids).

The CPS social worker wants me and my ex to meet the week after thanksgiving to discuss what’s going on for the kids.  She wants to recommend my ex take parenting classses, and also has told him not to discuss the case or investigation with the kids.  She is also looking for coparenting classes or some way to help improve how we interact to keep the kids out of it.

My daughter’s therapist steps in – but doesn’t say that going back to visitation will be traumatic.  Why?  I don’t understand that.  She calls my ex and discusses with him that our daughter is worried about the time with him.  Of course, he doesn’t understand why….  She also very clearly tells my ex not to discuss anything with our children.

So our children went with him last night for the evening, returning at 8pm without any homework being completed and a test today for our daughter.  Of course.

The first thing my daughter says to me?  “Mom… daddy says that you want him to be arrested.”  Then “And daddy says he wants to get you arrested”.  Then she says “It’s very confusing.”.   I let her answer her own question after sympathizing that she shouldn’t have been told that.  I asked her “what do you think mommy wants, honey?”  She says “for me and my brother to have a better life”.  Yes… that is true… for you to be safe, to enjoy yourselves as children and to be allowed to just be children, to not have to deal with adult stuff, and even so much as enjoy the time with your dad.

I did report my ex’s comments to the CPS social worker.  She is concerned that he would simply disregard the instructions he was given and is considering consequences.  She wants to engage her supervisor and others in what to do about this -and her concern about the anxiety the kids have over the visits, and in being in this situation for so so long without anything changing.  I want so bad to tell herI that it is unlikely to change because my ex is psychopathic and personality disordered, but surely that won’t come off well.  I am just thankful that there are steps in place to continue trying to do something for my kids.

And I pray that they are divinely protected through the weekend, and if there is abuse occurring which has not yet been disclosed- physical or sexual – that this is revealed in a way we can do something about to protect my kiddos.

In the meantime, I am job hunting and looking for a new attorney.  Maybe interview a few to see what I can come up with to see if there are better alternatives.  I am so working very, very hard on my faith and keeping it in tact that everything that is  happening will help us to get to a better place for my babies.


5 Responses to “Back to Visitation”

  1. RENE HOOKS says:

    My son is 7 and he cries every time he had to visit his Dad. His dad cuts off all communication with me when he has him. I tried to send a phone with my son but his Dad hides it from him so that he can’t call me.
    My Baby cried not to go to Lego land with His Dad. All I can say is what child cried not to go to Lego land?
    My son says his father calls him named .My son was sashaying around and repeating ” I’m a girl, I’m a girl”. I was so alarmed by this. I didn’t know where it was coming from. So I told my son God made you.a boy and I’m happy you are a boy.
    I later realized his father kept calling him a girl, crybaby and a sissy. My poor baby was crying hysterically saying it hurts his feeling when he calls wake happy when he calls him a sissy. My Baby kept sinking his head under the water as if he were ashamed of something. I thought he was trying to drown himself. To pull his head out the water 3 times I just got him out the bath tub and consoled him. All I could think was oh my God. What can I do.
    My son started wetting the bed and having nightmares that a giant was trying to.get him. ( his father is 6.’3 and weighs 300lbs).
    We are going back to court. I don’t have a lot of money but some kind of way I must save my baby from this bully.
    He continues to lie on me so I notified him through talking parents that all his call will be recorded.
    He calls me in the middle of the night from private numbers trying to disguise his voice. He constantly trying to make me say I love him. He tells me things like we should raise our son together but he’s married. I tells me a divorce only take 6 mos and a day.
    When I tell him I’m happy in my own relationship he does something like block my calls. A exparte on my birthday to try to get full custody. Demands me to be a certain place by a certain time or he will keep my son.
    He knows my other son was killed by a hit and run driver so he tried emotional blackmail to make me submit to his evil wats.
    He knows holding our son art bay will torture me.

  2. Katya says:

    Why the HELL do they have to invest so much in the NPD deadbeat psycho dad ? Why does one individual have such an impac on 3 other people’s lives ? I get so angry about this pathetic system. These guys have so man rights and do nothing but wreak pain and suffering and havoc.

  3. Heather says:

    Yeah – I am taking a page from your book on this. my ex called in his “vacation” time with the girls over Xmas break (he actually had this scheduled and then gave it up over the summer so he could take a trip with his father…at which time he abandoned the girls back to me…now he’s acting like I kept him from taking a vacation with the girls…b/c you know…he doesn’t live in realty).

    So I agreed b/c it’s not a fight I want to fight. But I only agreed if I got some dinners out with the girls over the week he has them. That way I’m sort of getting my eyes on them : )

  4. JenelleMarie says:

    I’ve not been blogging lately, but reading this is like a page out of my own life right now. CPS did the same thing all the way up to recommending co-parenting classes. But how do you get them to understand WE want to peacefully coparent but cannot change the actions of others?

    I’m praying for the truth to set you all free and for your children’s protection. This wont solve it but I read this verse the other day: Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” Hugs

    • This was wonderful, thank you – it helped a lot. This weekend, I had a really tough time keeping faith and not worrying. There were wonderful prayers answered, though, in that my kids did call on Friday evening, and my daughter arranged for me to take them to her friend’s party on Saturday (yes, I know – this should be worked through the parents, but at least it happened). So, I was able to see them Saturday afternoon AND my daughter was able to go to one of her best friend’s birthday celebration. The downside is that once they were back with their dad, they stopped at the liquor store on the way home, and were put to bed at 12:30am, after the brainwashing of ‘this is what you need to be telling everyone about me”.

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