My Healing Journey

I’ve been quiet and withdrawn.  It’s been a frustrating road watching visitation be put back into place, have my ex attack my character to whomever he speaks with about the situation, and to see my children’s behavior change so dramatically as they are put back into a stressful situation.

That said, I decided to embark this month on a spiritual healing journey.  There is so much in my life which needs major transformation.  There are many philosophies out there which say that we attract into our lives our experiences, people, etc based on our own thoughts and beliefs.  Often these beliefs are unconscious to us – and may stem from our experiences as children.  If we knew abuse or low self worth as children, this continues to play out into our adult lives unless we address it.

A couple books/authors which I love – Florence Scovel Shin, “The Game of Life and How to Play it”.  She says that “the inharmonious situation comes from some inharmony within man himself” and “When there is, in him, no emotional response to an inharmonious situation, it fades away forever, from his pathway.  So we see man’s work is ever with himself.”  That’s powerful to me – as it says that I have control over what seems like a situation in which I have no control.  If I address what is in me which attracts this situation into my life, then I can move my life forward to be what I desire.

Another is Louise Hay, who established Hayhouse Publishing.  I have been listening to her audible book “Self-Healing: Creating Your Health”.  She talks about how we often can identify trends in our lives which we see repeated, and that this is generated from a thought in ourselves which creates these trends in our lives (example – we think we deserve to be treated the way that we are).  A powerful phrase I keep in mind from her book is “when we no longer think or behave in this way, the other people will change their behavior, or they will go and do that to someone else who believes they deserve it.  You will no longer be attracting the experiences you say you do not want.”  Again, this is powerful to me.  I have the power to make changes in me.

I have noticed that there are trends in my life – around people who bully me, or feeling unsupported, feeling left un-protected.  It is time to change these trends, and believe I am worthy of different outcomes in my life.

I will speak more about these as I get to logging this journey, and about the self-discoveries I make.  Perhaps this will resonate something in you, or perhaps you think I’m nutty 😉 .  In doing this, I am not endorsing my ex’s behavior, or those who have not supported me in the past.  I am looking to create better, positive experiences in my life going forward and to release my past.

Lastly, I will say that I am also using Theta Healing to determine what these subconscious thought patterns are and to bring them to consciousness.  If this type of “new age” stuff seems odd to you, it is basically a form of quantum physics.  It doesn’t go against my faith at all – in fact, I use my faith and believe in God to guide me to what I need to address and to do.

More to come…

20 Responses to “My Healing Journey”

  1. StrongerMe says:

    I’m going to have to look into those books because right now, I am isolating myself. I am quiet and withdrawn.

    • It’s very liberating to know that there are parts that we have control over and to be able to take steps in that direction. I’m sending positive thoughts in your direction. One of the other tasks in my life right now is to bolster my support network. Maybe that can help for you as well? I know I’m incredibly thankful for all the support I find here and the connections I have made on your site and others.

  2. JenelleMarie says:

    I think it’s wonderful and sending you many healing vibes and positive thoughts.

    I agree with all you’ve written and it’s why I’ve been spending so much time focusing on MY actions and thoughts and trying to keep in my own ‘bubble’ so to speak and get out of the ex’es. It’s hard to retrain. But the peace, contentment and ‘zen’ so to say that has come with it has been sooo amazing.

    Don’t ever forget that you are wonderful and amazing and deserve to attract all that is beautiful, calm, loving and healthy!

    • Thank you! You are right that it is hard to get the thoughts of what I am dealing with regarding my ex out of my head – especially with a trial set for January 2nd, and my kids crying all week about having to go this weekend. I am trying to be more consciously aware of those thoughts just showing up and running in my head, and then envisioning wonderful changes in my head instead.

  3. Vanessa says:

    I’m motivated to be starting my spiritual healing journey too. Ordered a few of the books you mentioned. Thanks so much… many blessings!

  4. Heather says:

    I saw use everything that God puts in front of you. And bravo for focusing on your own healing. I’ve found that the more I’ve focused on me, the less his ups and downs impact me and the more kind I can be towards him (and the better I am at keeping boundaries).

    It can be a fun and rewarding process. I continue to love Brene Brown and have read tons of books on overcoming co-dependence (b/c in my case that was the only reason I was willing to put up with being treated so poorly)

  5. Julie says:

    Hang in there! The Holidays can be very tough. Yesturday I had a good cry. 6 days, ugg, my child’s father is getting about the same. I think many new age ideas are the same as old teachings that have always existed. I have been meditating, shopping, and making positive moves for my career to make myself stronger. I agree if you make yourself strong and have conviction that good things can and will happen you have just changed the yourself and the situation and the universe and your adversary will respond. It’s also ok to cry or be frustrated at times, we are human, and i cant be posivitve all the time, thats annoying. But I never let weakness, frustration, or emotion show to the NPD.

    • I learned something wonderful in a theta session the other day. You are right – we can’t be positive all the time, and feelings/emotions are there for a reason. The theta practitioner told me how emotions and feelings are temporary- they should flow through us. Thats certainly not what I’ve done for years. Ive stuffed into my body and ignored feelings (like the feeling that I didn’t want to marry him but did it anyway).
      I also agree that many ‘new age’ are actually very old teachings and they just have that ‘new age’ label. I think that in the past, mankind often was more self-aware and more intuitive, and more open to being intuitive. Over time, technology and being insanely busy balancing life – it takes away our focus from paying attention to intuition and honoring our own needs. I remember the first time I heard the “chakra” terminology and was like ‘whoa, that’s crazy stuff’. I believe it now – that we are all made up of energy and that all things around us have energy. It’s why certain people give us the creeps – because we sense their negative energies. Anyway, I’m rambling 🙂 I hope you stay strong too during this holiday season, and make the best of every moment with or without kids.

      • JenelleMarie says:

        Love that you shared this! My therapist also feels the same and we also were recently discussing how much more beautiful and colorful my life is now that I’ve opened my soul and eyes (and chakras) to ALL the emotions in life. I too spent years stuffing many emotions and ended the 11 year relationship very angry and fearful, because those were the only ‘safe’ emotions so i thought. I was still a very caring and loving mother, but my kids were the only ones i ‘let in’ so to speak. I’ve spent the last year and a half working at becoming more authentic and feeling each and every emotion and while I cry more, it’s brief and no longer soul sucking sadness if that makes sense. I can cry over how blessed i am because the joy overwhelms me or I can cry because I may never have another child, but afterwards I’m ok and content and feel peace for having acknowledged and appreciated the emotion. I’ve also noticed that my mothering has blossomed and there have been positive effects in every aspect of my life. It’s so amazing and i feel as if i’m living a richer, fuller life even with the downs and rollercoaster that my ex tries to drag me along onto. But he simply can no longer force me to engage anymore so it helps.

        My journey into learning about chakras and energy and healing ironically started with the pregnancy of my son, i read a book called “Painless Childbirth” by Guiditta Tornetta. While it pertains to childbirth for me it was amazing because it talked about each of the chakras and how energy flows through our body and how positive attracts positive. It was mind blowing for me and after his birth i knew i’d be leaving my husband eventually. I now wear a necklace that represents healing the third chakra and to gain wisdom as I think that was a large part of my co-dependence issues.

        I’m rambling now. Sorry! Very few places that people don’t look at me like i’m nuts if i share some of this lol

        • Rambling is gooood! I love how you have a necklace that means something to you. I have one which has two charms on it – one is a dove/holy spirit and the other is a Mom with two kids. I also have a ring that has three pearls and two loops, which to me represents the three of us and God’s arms around us.

          I have been reading more on the theta healing this weekend, and found a part in one of the books which really resonates. I have heard before how fear and anger are emotions which can serve good, they are there to alert us of things that need to be changed or for survival. In the Theta book, she rights that she believes that resentment, regret and rejection can be used by the unconscious mind to prevent something worse from happening. She uses the example that if someone represents their parent, they may be saving themselves from abandonment or abuse. So, in essence, resentment becomes an emotion for self protection. It’s interesting, because I feel as though no matter how hard I try to release the resentment I have for all my ex has done to me and my kids (and continues to do), I can still feel it there. It is definitely an area I need to explore more.

          Thanks for sharing! You are certainly not nuts!

          • JenelleMarie says:

            That is intriguing about the resentment . . . and it makes perfect sense. It quite literally saved my life i believe. I was so resentful of my exes numerous affairs and the way he treated me (ie abused me) in the bedroom that I would refuse to sleep with him without protection towards the very end. Imagine my complete and utter surprise when I found dozens of emails from him to men discussing the unprotected sex he’d been having! He would come home and sleep with me, and i’d have no clue . . .and I was nursing our son who is unvaccinated no less!

            Thank you for that mini ah ha moment! That really links it all for me because i was sooooo resentful towards the end that i have been working so hard to get past those months as I fear how toxic i myself was and blamed a lot of the ending on myself. . . but how you’ve put it makes perfect sense. It was there, it protected me and my son. And once I got my own place that he couldn’t come onto me sexually, most of my resentment dropped and I didn’t understand why.

            So enlightening. I am going to have to start reading more on this, as i’ve had minimal time (just started Splitting as i’m going back to court Jan 24th).

            And i love your ring and necklace! Next on my list after i give birth will be tattoos to represent this (im a big tattoo gal lol) journey and transition.

          • I’m also “creative, and have a sketch of a painting/artwork I want to create for the wall just inside my door. I haven’t decided yet to put my artwork on my body but who knows… 🙂

  6. Ruby says:

    Just a quick note to let you know that you have been a very positive change in my life and much of your wisdom on your site has helped a lot. Wishing you strength at this difficult time. Hang in there!

  7. N says:

    I was going to ask how you were doing too! So happy you posted today 🙂

    A friend of mine just lent me the book “my utmost for his highest” by oswald chambers. Being a christian for many years I don’t understand how I have never come across this book or author before. Check it out if u can. I agree, we, with Jesus in us, absolutely have the power to change and bring more positivey into our lives. I also read a book that says “..we can’t give our kids what we don’t have.” Talking about self-worth or a positive outlook or really just about anything I guess. That hit me. I need to be my best and have all my ducks in a row so she can see how to do that to. And its a continual process…but hopefully not always as difficult :/ anyway..praying that your situation improves by Christmas and yes, we should expect miracles from the Lord above! Happy soul searching 🙂
    And keep us updated, we care about you!

    • Thank you! I feel quite blessed with support. Louise Hay speaks about that too – the part that we can’t learn from our parents what they don’t know themselves. All of us are really just making our way through life the best we can with the tools we have. The same goes for our ex’s – who didn’t get what they needed from their parents (although their parents were trying their best too). The difference is that some of us realize that and search for how to learn what was missing, while compassionately loving our parents for doing their best. It’s been a very eye opening journey already, so to speak. Very enlightening and understanding (for e.g. – my mom has always lived her life feeling so guilty, puts everyone’s needs in front of her’s and feels compelled to suffer…. hmmm… I believe I inherited some beliefs that don’t really serve me :)) I am looking into the book – I already downloaded the kindle edition of another book he wrote, but the one you mentioned isn’t available as kindle. It is rated really well!

  8. D- says:

    As I read your post I see a beacon of light through the clouds of this situation. It’s so obvious that light is you. I was just berated yesterday by my husbands girlfriend who make my husband seem sane. I was then blessed with a post on FB today about a speaker with a crisp $20 bill. He asked who in the audience wanted it. Everyone did of course. Then he crumpled it up, stepped on it and people still wanted the bill because they knew its value had not changed. No matter how much this man tramples you, your value is the same. No matter what he says. Stay strong.

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