Validation: My ex’s work performance review

When you have been dealing with a personality disordered individual, you’re likely to hear how you are completely off the mark about what you see, think or feel.  I’ve heard that many times, and had been told repeatedly how my ex is “a catch”.

For the child support hearing, my attorney subpeoned my ex’s past employment records.  Now, I have his from another prior company where he was dismissed so I know what his previous performance reviews look like.  This company was his most recent, and while I suspected he was dismissed on performance, it wasn’t confirmed.

The reason I am posting this it is very validating.  It is validating to know that others who are dealing with my ex have the same challenges, and that it isn’t ME who has issues, like my ex projects… or like your ex projects (female or male, both gender narcissists do the same).

I am going to outline a few of the phrases used in his performance reviews from various different managers or coworkers here, as I believe that they will resonate with many who have to deal with a narcissistic ex.  If it resonates for  you, affirm to yourself that you are reading the situations and interactions with your ex truthfully and correctly! And then watch out for people like this at your workplace… they are probably personality disordered.

  • “Ex” has difficulty managing his calendar where he has missed meetings, etc.  There have been several incidents where “ex” has missed emails to response.
  • Sometimes his cell phone voice mail is full where people could not leave messages. (dear God, do I know that… but he doesn’t listen to the messages anyway!)
  • “Ex’s” emails typically contain few words and sentences where people did not understand what his messages were.
  • Lack of communicating important messages to the team.
  • In many occasions, “ex” would report the project status with no issues on what he is doing, only many others would report differently. (Think: he does this with our kids… “they are doing just fine with me”, he says.  They say otherwise and that dad doesn’t notice)
  • “Ex” doesn’t have a sense of ownership/accountability and ability to drive tasks to completion.
  • The client specifically asked another coworker not to bring “ex” to the meetings.
  • “Ex’s” lack of participation was unacceptable.
  • “Ex’s” non-collaboration and lack of communication resulted in duplication of efforts
  • “Ex” hasn’t developed any meaningful relationships
  • “Ex’ was asked to mentor junior team members, but he was not available, direction was unclear and wasn’t approachable for them to be comfortable with him.

It is great to feel validated and know that it’s not just me … he does this with others and I have that in black and white. 🙂


3 Responses to “Validation: My ex’s work performance review”

  1. Karen says:

    Very interested in what grounds were used to support subpoena of performance reviews in child support matter. I’m in a similar situation and would like to do the same. Thanks in advance.

  2. Heather says:

    Merry 2013! So glad things have been going well. Be at peace, one with the Source/Creator, and know your truth. He’ll replay his reality over and over again (my narc looks like he might have wife #4 on the hook). Only engage to the point of protecting you and your kids. I know 2013 will be an excellent, prosperous, and peaceful year for us both!

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