Messages in our daily lives

Sometimes, things happen that make you wonder if someone (an angel, I hope!)  is standing next to you using events in your daily life to send you message.  I’ve had two moments like that lately, and I thought I would share.

One is actually some time back – about 2 months ago when my six year old son went from being afraid of speaking up for himself and feeling sorry for his dad – to all of a sudden and out of the blue telling his father he didn’t want to go with him for the weekend.  I had both my kids with me that weekend, and it was such an amazing blessing to see that tide turn. 

That evening… I looked in his backpack to find that he brought home a library book from school.  The title was “This way home.”

This past weekend, for the Father’s day weekend / my ex’s birthday weekend, my kids were in a turmoil about the fact that they really didn’t want to go but … well, they want to have a wonderful dad and a wonderful relationship with a wonderful dad.  However, the reality is that they don’t have that.  They spent much time worried about how to handle things and I finally intervened and offered a solution that brought them to sleep at home and still spend more than ample time with their father.  Frankly – I felt that it was more time than they actually wanted, but it was a compromise only for this weekend.  The compromised involved me driving quite a bit to bring them home for Saturday night and return them for the day for Sunday.  This brought much, much calm over them – both because they would sleep at home, and also because they could rely on my to get them there. 

However, on Sunday, when they returned, my little one was acting out of character towards me, telling me “Mom, I’ve told you a million times” and rolling his eyes.  When I walked away to finish taking items to the car because he was acting disrespectfully, he leaned his head out the door and yelled “What the hell, mom??”.  Hmmm… something tells me something is up.  So first – to explain – I teach my children that they do not need to put up with someone treating them disrespectfully and can always walk away from it.  That’s what I did and intended to return and speak about the initial disrespectful behavior.  Instead, I returned to my son to speak with him about how their day went.  I found out that their dad was angry with our daughter for having trouble sitting still while waiting (starved) for food to arrive at a restaurant for lunch.  He yelled at her.. “What the fucking hell?” 

So what was the odd message that I received… you ask?  It actually wasn’t my son telling those words to me.  It was what was in his hands that he handed to me that evening when he first walked back in our door…. it was a pokeman card that was “Dark Energy”.  I asked where he got it.  “Dad”, he answered.

Isn’t it strange?

P.S.  A puppy update:  The puppy which was there as a bribe to visit (but is my ex’s girlfriend’s puppy) had a ton more energy and was in more of an annoying than cute stage by this past weekend.  When I came to arrived to pick up my kids on Saturday evening, my daughter complained that the puppy was biting – and showed me where he left a teeth mark scratch on her cheek.  Thank you, Angels…. I do believe in miracles.



2 Responses to “Messages in our daily lives”

  1. Janet says:

    I’ve been divorced for 3 years now from a narcissist. I have 2 boys, 7yrs and 5 yrs. The last couple of months have been hard because the kids no longer want to visit his home or spend the night there. My ex has been cooperative but I’m not sure how long that will last. They are supposed to go this coming weekend but they are already asking me if they could stay home with me. I feel like the kids are being forced to go because the court says they have to. How could this possibly be positive? I’m trying to see if maybe they can spend an afternoon together instead of spending the night, but not sure if he will agree. I’m torn and not really sure what the best thing for them is anymore. Everytime they go over there, they come back with negative stories and tell me how they don’t want to go anymore. How do i protect them from their own father?

  2. Ruby says:

    I have just been reading your recent posts and felt a small thrill that somebody understands the awful tightrope that is walked to deal with a narcissistic ex and the needs of our kids post-divorce. My first marriage ended with a bang but we managed to remain focussed on our son and everything cruised along just fine. The smoking remains of my second marriage is an eye-opener. Ex number 2 fights me every step of the way to regain control over my life and uses our 3 year old daughter as a pawn. I am exhausted.

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